Cold Comfort

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The Lyrics -

Cold Comfort
Now that I'm gone
I found my stuff
Out on the lawn

No place to go
No place to see
Oh Baby -
This can't be

I lost my faith
In humanity
Baby...


I look behind me
Nothing to see
No lights
Are following me

Lost is
The worst place to be
Ain't got no maps
Ain't got no streets

Lord no,
Lord no, it's cold comfort again.

[Instrumental 1]

I hear 'em laughin'
Across the way,
Here I'm thinking
It's my lucky day

I cross the ridge
And what do I see?
There's the devil
Waitin' for me

I smile
One last time
Here it is
The end of the line

[Instrumental 2]

We share a smile
We share a tear
I wonder lord
Why am I still here?

Turns out,
He ain't that bad
A story to be told
A truth to be had

He's got a bad rap
Just like me
Another excuse
For human beings.
Oh no.

Oh lord, oh no. (repeat)

That's cold comfort, baby.

[Instrumental 3, Outro]

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The Story

First, I know that my voice is terrible in this song. It's too low, and alternates between a poor impersonation of the delta blues and Elvis. It even cracks and sounds weird in some places. As much as I wish I were I better singer, I have good news. The good news is that my voice is not the point of the song. The point is found in the lyrics. From the beginning, this entire song was conceived as a quick and dirty improv over a basic 12 bar blues. Musical and technical perfection were NOT what I was after by a long shot. I tried to be clever by using a minor pentatonic for the first instrumental and a major pentatonic for the second (look over the lyrics to see why that might be clever), but other than that...this was just song was just an excuse for me to write, a chance for me to vent some of my frustrations, and perhaps get a little closer to finding my own feelings on human nature and the human condition. I don't want to launch too much into this philosophical discussion with myself without telling why I wrote this song in the first place...

So it's no secret I've been trying to sell my Jackson RR3 guitar (the blue V for those not initiated) for quite some time. I've put it on CraigsList, Ultimate Guitar, and so forth. I've never had the heart to put it on eBay (shipping would be a bitch), so it's sat for a while, essentially in mint condition, waiting for a home and a guitarist more worthy and patient then myself. Recently, I got an email from a potential buyer. As it turned out, he was the manager of a guitar store down the street. This was going to be great, I thought. So, flash forward to about noon time today. I'm driving around, and I stumble on a guitar store in the city I'm supposed to find this place. As it turns out, it's another guitar store I've been hearing about recently. I look around, but don't find anything to my taste. I get some directions, and eventually wander off to find the place I was originally looking for.

I arrive, to find out the "guitar" store is really more of a pawn shop moonlighting as a guitar store. I suppose that there is nothing inherently good or bad about this, but it makes me a little suspicious. I've heard some horror stories about pawn shops over the net, and I am certainly not looking to be the next "victim." I wander around a bit, though the service was non-existent...I had to get a guitar from the top shelf myself, find cables and picks with no assistance...I find this odd, but just sort of brush it off. I came for a guitar, not the service, after all. So, I actually spot one or two guitars that I like, a Washburn and a few Schecters. I'm still not sold on the Schecter neck, but it's definitely interesting to feel up the guitar a little bit. Since the manager (the guy I'm trying to trade with) is busy selling a customer an amp, I am again left to my own devices. I plug in a try out a few of the guitars. To my dismay, the Washburn (my chief candidate) had weird pick-up fuzz. I find this troubling, especially considering that there a plenty of scratches and dinks on the guitar that don't exactly scream "new."

At this point, I am left to play the waiting game. To make matters worse, there is no public restroom to be found. When I finally get a chance to talk to the manager again, he has me bring in my guitar. He seems to have postitive feelings about it, and seems interested in the trade. He shows the guitar off to one of his employees, and we're off. I start talking to him about the guitar, and eventually we get back to the Washburn. We get to a bartering phase (something that is certainly not uncommon when purchasing a new guitar), and I point out a lot of the flaws and such. He says that the scratches can be rubbed out. (I personally doubt this, and found a dink on the back I knew I couldn't "buff out.") At this point, things start to get hairy.

Though it sounds blunt, I would say I made two mistakes in orchestrating this trade. First, I was not clear what I wanted. I'm confident that if I had said, "I'll trade you my guitar for this guitar and a set up," (i.e. been much more direct), things might have turned out differently. Secondly, I see how it was a little bit on the unfair side of me to expect him to clean the guitar. I probably wouldn't have even asked that if he was just a "private seller." Sure, he has the tools, the capacity, and the man-power, and it wouldn't even have been that expensive...(he quoted me less than $30 for a set up...I know a few places closer to myself that charge over $75)...but he made it clear that it was either "this guitar for that guitar, or nothing." I was certainly put off when he asked me, "can't you clean it (the guitar) yourself?" and said "I'd never clean another dude's guitar," in a patronizing / condescending way, and when he called me a terrible business-person. When he started swearing at me and telling me to get the f*** out of his store, however, I bid him a good day and took my leave. I did ask him, in all honesty, what I could do to be a better business-man, but he seemed more interested in throwing me out. I was not interested in an escalating situation, and it was obvious he was not going to trade.

Slightly perturbed, I went back to the original store I mentioned. I was curious what they would give me for the guitar...and as it turned out, peanuts. Again, I am not really in the business of getting ripped off, so I took my leave again. I was slightly soothed by the clerk. Though he was rather nonchalant and seemingly busy with business other than myself, he had a much softer and calmer tone of voice (a nice change of pace from being sworn at). With my afternoon wasted, and my perfect picture of a "civil, just, and reasonable," human kind slightly cracked, I went home. Don't get me wrong. I know I made mistakes on the deal. I could have examined the guitar more (or perhaps less) thoroughly. I could have facilitated the trade by being more direct with my needs. I also could have been more effective at showing that more money was not the only thing that would have sealed the deal for me. (This is why I was thrown out - the manager was convinced I wouldn't complete the trade without some additional cash given to me. This was not the case.) That doesn't entirely account for the fact that I was treated rather poorly, ignored for the better part of an hour, and thrown out of the store. There's a kicker to all of this, but I'm going to talk about what inspired the song first.

The song was inspired partly by my "weird travels," today. It was inspired by my misgivings and poor experience. It was also inspired by the fact that I have not been a very good writer lately, and I just really wanted to get something on paper (remember when I said above about this being a "quick and dirty" recording?). I wanted a way to sort out my feelings and put up a tent, or a least an umbrella, for the emotions I was feeling. There's a lot going on in my life right now, and honestly I can't let one silly little event lead to anything greater. I'm more or less happy with the way I reacted. At its worst, this situation inspired a bit of melancholy. Still, it did lead me to two (or maybe three or four) important realizations.

First, is that I want to be a strong person. I don't want to let things like that get to me, even a little. I guess in the end I can be happy it sparked a creative urge, but I'm going to have to deal with a lot more stressful things in my life, so I really want to be in control of myself and my words, particularly in how I express myself. Second is that business is not my forte. As a caveat to this point, business men (and women) are not your friend. They, like so many in this world, are looking out for their own interests and pocket books. Third is that not all situations can be viewed as a "win-lose" scenario. There was more to today than simply, "I didn't get a guitar," and "he didn't guitar." Technically, I didn't get a guitar I was leery of, but I certainly didn't make any friends. All in all it seems like a wash, and I'm fine with that. As I said before, not every situation (in fact very few) seems to lend itself well to that sort of thinking...it almost seems confrontational and counter-productive to do so.

The final thing that I should mention is that...when I heard the guy talking to the other customers he was busy with, he was saying how he had been in the pawn business since he was 9. He seemed to be in his early to mid forties, so that is a considerable amount of time. I don't know what kind of man he is, and I don't know what sort of opportunities he had, but I am not looking to fill his shoes (or become the man I perceive him to be). For all I know, he could have a PhD in business, and he could be the scholar of scholars. He could be a great philanthrope, destined to change the world. All I know for certain is that whatever he experiences, and wherever his life leads him next, I won't be thinking about him. I'll be drawing satisfaction from being myself, and achieving what I want to achieve. I'll be happy to forget this incident, because I have too many big things, to many promises of happiness and success to leave it in there for too long. Am I saying I'm a better, bigger man? No. Am I trying to be the best I can? Most definitely.

Okay, one block of text later, here's the kicker. When I got home, I relisted the guitar on CraigsList. I did this so it would appear high up on the listings, and more people would be likely to see it. From the time I had dinner to now, I've had two more possible inquiries about the guitar. One of them includes a guitar I was looking at (and hoping to find) at the shops I mentioned before. I dunno if I would call this good luck (I'm inclined to, because I'm in a better mood), but it is certainly a change of pace to go from "thrown out of store," to "offered one of your top choices of guitar for trade." In the end, I've realized that I certainly have a lot to smile about. (Generic ending, I know, but it's late and I can't come up with anything better. So sue me.)